It appears that nothing in this day and age is sacrosanct and free from the meddling of liberal killjoys — not even “The Night Before Christmas.”
According to CNS News, first lady Michelle Obama decided to shame Santa while reading the children’s classic at a hospital because of the fact that he smokes a pipe.
In addition, co-host Ryan Seacrest made sure that the audience knew he wasn’t fat-shaming Santa.
Global News reported that Obama was at the Children’s National Health System to read “The Night Before Christmas,” along with Seacrest, who apparently still qualifies as “famous.”
As the first lady and Seacrest were reading Clement Clarke Moore’s children’s classic, they managed to add some commentary of their own.
“‘The stump of a pipe’ — I think St. Nick gave up smoking,” Michelle told the audience.
“This was written way back in the day,” Seacrest added.
“But way back in the day,” the first lady continued: “The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.”
Later, Seacrest decided he needed to make clear he was checking his thin privilege.
When he talked about Santa’s “little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly,” he made sure to add, “I mean this as a compliment. He was chubby and plump (laughter) — a right jolly old elf, and I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.”
You can watch the reading below:
I can understand how the first lady would try to emphasize why these children should stay away from Santa when it comes to the scourge of smoking. After all, I can’t tell you how many times a leather-jacketed St. Nicholas cornered me in the hallways of my middle school and tried to get me to try pipe tobacco. “Oh no you don’t, you right jolly old elf!” I would be forced to declaim. “I’m not a chicken, you’re a turkey!”
However, if you’re going to go all nanny state on Santa Claus, go all the way.
Insist that the kids leave out celery sticks and almond milk this year. Say that maybe Santa ought to go get himself a Fitbit and stop eating cookies.